Where I’ve Been (and Where I’m Going)

If you’re wondering where I’ve been… I exited stage right over a year ago and have been pretty quiet ever since.

Originally, I stepped away to have surgery on my arm and elbow. The healing was excruciating and took far longer than anyone expected. Afterwards, I found myself preparing for my oldest to leave the nest and head off to college… and somewhere in the middle of all of that, I had one of those “If I’m almost no longer a mom on a 24/7 basis… Who am I? Who does God say I am?” moments. Or panic. 😅

Essentially, I think I had a midlife crisis… but really, it was more of a midlife pause and ponder. Not necessarily a crisis.

While I pondered, I packed up my sweet boy—bought a million dorm room essentials—and started sorting through his childhood things. And then, right in the middle of it all, our precious dog Josie (aka JuJuBEE) was suddenly in unbearable pain. We had to put her down. Her pain was awful. 💔 It broke our hearts—truly shattered us into a thousand pieces. She was THE BEST.

We pulled ourselves together, kept packing, and moved him to school. Phil practically had to drag me away. I sobbed—ugly sobbed—all the way to the car. Ugh.

Then we came home… and immediately started packing up our entire house. We moved everything in one week. Yes, I nearly derailed. I lost my mind. I was exhausted beyond words… and yet, by the grace of God, I kept moving forward.

And then—my youngest tore his ACL + MCL. We were waiting for surgery when Hurricane Helene hit… so we entered survival mode.

It has been… a year. And when the dust finally settled, I had to sit with that midlife pause a little longer.

So… what now?

I’ve been deep in scripture—studying, writing, pondering, and seeking direction. “Should I stay or should I go?” 🎶 — my personal theme song.

But here’s the thing:
I have to paint.
It’s part of my bones, my breath. It’s how I make sense of the world. It’s how I meditate on scripture. It’s how I wall myself off and find quiet time with God. It was knit into the fabric of my being.

I have to be creative—whether that’s painting, writing, or gardening.

So who am I?

I am a child of God.
A daughter of the King.
A wife. A mom. A daughter.
A writer. A gardener. A reader and keeper of books.
An obsessive scripture studier…
An artist. And an introvert.

My work seeks to capture the essence of God in the midst of life—in the LIGHT, the WATER, the FOREST, the SEA, the SKY, and the GARDEN.

With every painting, what I’m quietly asking is:

Are you slowing down enough to notice the beautiful ways God is touching your life… or are you in such a hurry you’re missing it all?

My Summer Reflections

Over the past spring, God began to whisper to me and in many different ways to Pay Attention & Receive. Those words seemed to be in every passage of scripture I read, in every book I listened to as I painted, in podcasts, or the radio…everywhere I looked those two words repeated.

And then I stumbled across a quote in The Waymaker by Ann Voskamp:

“In the stillness, there can be attentiveness beyond our own questioning of God, to the questions God is asking us……   Attentiveness leads to receptiveness. And the more attentive we are to what is happening in our lives, the more receptive we are to God’s way, and my attentiveness to God’s questions, God’s asking, might ground me, reroute me, return me…..Attend to God’s questions to tend your own soul. Attending to where you are tends to change the way you are.” ( pg 150 - 152)    

I have found as I creep closer to 50 and my children begin to approach the moment where they fly from this nest we have created, I am in a state of wondering, wondering what it has all been about. And yet, this summer God very gently whispered to me that these two sweet, thoughtful humans we have raised, have been and still are my most important work.

Sacred Pages

It has felt so freeing to take it slow in the new year and return to what nourishes my soul. For me, slowing down means spending time in my journal.

I have kept a journal since I was an adolescent. But now, when life gets busy, I get out of my habit of writing and painting in my journal. It is never good for me to drop this habit. Journaling grounds me and brings me joy in a way that’s hard to explain. And it’s so important for my artistic process.

These pages of my little books feel sacred to me, perhaps because they are often filled with prayers…filled with intentionally drawing towards God. It’s no wonder that this writing to God and writing down His WORD nourishes my soul!

Isaiah 50:4 says,

“…it is the Word that sustains the weary. He wakens me morning by morning, wakens my ear to listen like one being instructed.”

These sacred pages are my way of slowing down enough to hear, to be instructed by God, to see His beauty, and to reveal a glimpse of His glory in my art.

A Walk Through The Light

I had an epiphany over the last few months.  I love hearing about others’ paths and the symbols and signs, so I wanted to share another crumb along my path - another spot of light to follow.

As I have continued to follow the theme of trees & water I discovered a connection that I found fascinating. It was like being struck by a lightning bolt… I am not kidding.  I literally had to pick my jaw up off the floor when I saw it…

A few months ago I was studying Genesis and I came across the story of Jacob’s ladder.

“And he dreamed, and behold, there was a ladder set up on the earth, and the top of it reached to heaven. And behold, the angels of God were ascending and descending on it! And behold, the Lord stood above it and said, ‘I am the Lord, the God of Abraham your father and the God of Isaac. The land on which you lie I will give to you and to your offspring.’”

— ‭‭Genesis‬ ‭28:12-13‬ ‭ESV‬‬

Copyright: Timur Arbaev. Source: Google images

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Then, in studying, I found the Japanese word for sunlight filtering through trees: KOMOREBI.

I love that they have a word for this beautiful effect in the Japanese language!

The Japanese symbol of sunlight.

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Wouldn’t you say that a ladder and this Japanese symbol are extremely similar?

Now look closely at my paintings…. what do you see? 

…the same symbol (!!!)

See it now?

This is SO exciting to me!

I have always viewed these markings in my work to symbolize the connector to the heavenly realm—all of my paintings seek to capture this ethereal light of God…and I have unconsciously wondered why I make these marks…one day I realized it was my ladder to the heavenly light. 

I am moving towards the light and ascending up to the light…

To be reminded of Jacob’s story of the ladder ascending to heaven with angels coming back and forth...then to see the symbol of light streaming through trees and to look up and see the very same symbol and meaning in my own creations… 😮truly jaw-dropping… 

I constantly come back to this: it is only when we enter into stillness, into sabbath keeping, into the rhythm of resting in Him that we can actually see…

the light

the reflections

the sunlight of hope filtering into our presence

the depth of meaning that surrounds us

…if we can only learn to be still. 

I do not know why God has me on the path…but I am following and one day it might all make sense. Maybe you can relate. Perhaps it will lead to nothing or perhaps it will lead to a new body of work, writing a book or starting a painting retreat where I help others find the space to be still long enough to experience the light. I’m learning to be content with any and all that comes along on my path.

Grateful for continued clarity and the “peace which transcends all understanding”,

C

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“Come let us walk in the light of the Lord.”

— Isaiah 2:5

January 2020

There is a cadence to the light
 a movement - a rhythm
of the soul.  
It pushes and pulls
ebbs and flows…
Moves from dark to light
Through color and lines…
There is a language of the soul…
A cadence all of its own.

Water From the Sanctuary 48 x 36 Oil 2019 is my most favorite piece I have ever created.  It was one of those days where I was tired of overthinking and over criticizing my work and I simply let loose on a big 4ft x 3ft canvas.  It was as though I was capturing a conversation between soul and spirit from deep within the depths of my soul. Recently, I have been exploring the idea of the language of the soul on a deeper level.  In an attempt to capture this dialogue between soul and spirit I have been exploring how gestural lines, shapes and color can be used as a way to express this abstract expression.  

December 2019

Epiphany 

“Let the heavens rejoice, let the earth be glad; let the sea resound, and all that is in it; let the fields be jubilant, and everything in them.  Then all of the forest will sing for joy; they will sing before the Lord, for he comes , he comes to judge the earth. He will judge the world in righteousness and the peoples in his truth” (Psalm 96:11-13)

Did you guys see it… “Then all of the forest will sing for joy…”  The trees will sing! There are other passages that relate to this in the Bible but they have never jumped off the page like this to me before.  

Perhaps it is because I have been working on a close up of tree branches which can come out compositionally as an abstract…

When I read this passage, I looked at my tree paintings and I finally saw it… the Rhythm of Trees… my close up forest paintings resemble sheet music notes turned vertically!!!

I was so excited when I finally saw this!!!  As I said in my newsletter, I have been knee deep in scripture and I have lost count of all the  passages of scripture pointing me again and again and again to T R E E S  & W A T E R.  

I will dig into the seeds of inspiration I have found in my January Journal… stay close.  

Love,
C

November 2019

Creating art is healing and therapeutic in and of itself.  It allows you to dig into your deepest hurts, anguish from grief and your greatest joys.  Our thoughts, feelings, revelations, and moments of encountering God can be processed, expressed and released through the creative process. 

Thinking of you - Love The Kid

48 x 36”, Oil on Canvas

Inquire with The Collective Dallas

October marks the month of my grandfather’s passing. He has now been gone for 11 years, how is that possible!? Sometimes my memories of him are so vivid it brings tears to my eyes instantly. Other times it feels like a lifetime since I have heard his voice full of wisdom (and often times mischief).  We were a mess together and he was always up to something that would tease my grandmother but ultimately make her laugh.

He called me Kid or if he referred to me it was always as The Kid.  It has always been his name for me. So this October as I was working on new work the lake surfaced again in my paintings.  The lake is where we spent our summers and holds some of my fondest childhood memories of him. The ocean holds my other cherished memories…so in a way I guess the continued interest in water makes sense.  I can’t seem to stop painting water…but that is another journal entry for another day (stay close for updates on my new water series).  

This painting is of the lake and as I sat down to title the piece...all I could think of was him.  Hence the name, Thinking of you - Love The Kid.  

The Legacy of a Garden

48 x 36”, Oil on Canvas

Inquire with The Collective Dallas

This painting is a personal piece of a dream I had. The dream was about my husband’s father who passed away so quickly that we were all in shock. In my dream, Jack showed himself to me on the edge of a cherry blossom forest...he waved goodbye and walked into the light. It was a beautiful dream and I will continue to try and capture the beautiful, peacefulness I felt at that moment.  I awoke to this dream on the day we buried him. I believe this was his way of saying goodbye to me and what better way to get my attention than through trees. The way Jack and I always connected was talking about gardening. We both loved to garden and he had a love of ferns and Japanese maple trees. Hence, the name of the piece...The Legacy Of A Garden 💙 

It is a different composition for me and one that is a challenge. This is my second attempt at capturing the beauty of that moment...I will continue to see if I can recreate the dream.  

Chy

Refreshed Creativity

This summer there were many changes to my business.  It has taken me most of the summer to wrap my brain around the change.  It has been very clear to me for the last few years that having a studio open to the tourist has in many ways hindered my ability to grow as an artist.  

As I thought about how I create my best work, I realized that I create better when I can have 4-5 hours of quiet, un-interrupted time in my studio.  There is this space that some artist go when they are in the depths of the creative process…..I do not know how to explain it other than it feels like a different level of consciousness, or possibly a different space within your brain that suddenly clicks on when given the right circumstances.  Needless to say, when people walk into your studio….it breaks that flow and it is hard to return to that space once the connection has been severed.  

There are many ways people look at the creative process but for me it is:

A space for meditation

A time of prayer 

A choice to quiet your soul and listen to the voice within. 

A space to process the beauty and the sacredness of what you saw on the hiking trail.  

A place to think through the way light and sky reflect on water.

It is a moment in time, a dedicated space to go deeper within your soul.  Many fear this space and I agree there is some darkness there that stems from old hurts..but there is also beauty in the ashes.  It is within the hard dark spaces of our souls that we are refined by the fire and heat of the hard times. It is in those spaces where we grow and learn.  

Silent + Still

This is what God keeps repeating to me:
​Soul Minimalism

We have a constant barrage of stimulation from: noise- news- radio- media -facebook -instagram
Incoming stimulus that whether we know it or not deeply imbeds within our soul -
We must declutter our lives in order to declutter our soul.
In order to hear God - which in turn fills the emptiness we all constantly try to fill with stuff -

The world is on a mission to be clutter free to become minimalist- - what if what the world is really searching for is decluttering to uncover the buried SOUL ~
Buried deep within under: iPads~ iPods~ iPhones~ computers ~schedules~planners~carpool ~pta ~commutes~ bills~ todo list~ laundry~ social media updates ~ selfies…
What if we are seeking this minimalist life because ultimately we are seeking

Meaning
Soul
God

What if the decluttering of the soul
Is truly uncovering our ability to listen to the voice within
The Holy Spirit
The Holy God
The One who calls us son or daughter
The one who seeks to know us

We will continue to feel empty until we:
Calm the noise
Be still
Listen
Be still & know
Sit beside streams of living water

“When we sit silently in God’s presence the sediment that is swirling in our souls begins to settle. We don’t have to do anything but show up and trust the spiritual law of gravity that says, Be Still & The Knowing will come.”

— Ruth Haley Barton

How do we declutter & purge

We CREATE
~CREATIVITY IS SOUL WORK~

We journal ~ releasing it all onto the pages of your journal… keep it or burn it … but be diligent to release it!

CREATE: a garden ~grow flowers ~ create a meal~ build a fire~write a beautiful handwritten letter~or simply write your story ~

Find the white space ~ the stillness~ the silence ~ the solitude ~BE STILL & KNOW

We must quiet and clear the space within in order to hear the voice of God.
Be Still & Quiet in the presence of God.
In 1 Kings 19: 1- 19 Elijah sought God & God came to him in silence -
“A Sound Of Sheer Silence”

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“When Elijah experienced the sound of sheer silence - that was full of the presence of God there was no need for words or any kind of cognitive response. He wrapped his face in his mantle - a sign of absolute reverence - and he went out & stood in the presence.”

Rest

“Thou hast formed us for thyself, and our hearts are restless till they find rest in thee.”

— Augustine

This past May at the end of the school year, we went on vacation as soon as school was out. To say we needed a vacation would be an understatement! I know you guys were likely feeling the same way. This world keeps us moving at such a pace that somedays I think I can not possibly do one more thing, drive someone one more place or even take one more step. Why do we allow ourselves to be so consumed with busy-ness?

As I sat down on the beach with my journal and began to consider what the theme of my next series would be about...I at first thought that it would be J O Y. Looking back I think that is probably because I was so overjoyed to sit and do NOTHING for a few days on the beach. Over time though...I realized I was forcing the issue and what God really wanted me to look at was R E S T. Why do we need R E ST, how do we learn to be comfortable in the R E S T?

So rather than bust out a whole new series...I paused to listen and I rested. I demanded myself to make room for rest, for quiet, for time in the Word and in prayer.

The outcome...I didn't get a new series released by September as I had hoped but I was listening and resting. Don't get me wrong...I was painting, but I intentionally moved slowly and calmly. Alas, my R E S T: seeking light series will finally be released November 7th.

I think our busy-ness is ridiculous and I am learning to say NO. ....No, my body can't handle one more thing to do.

Are you feeling busy? Overwhelmed? Frazzled? What can you do today to start slowing down... taking moments to rest and listen?

​Chy